Vegan Shenanigans

The Dangers of Going Vegan

The Dangers of Going Vegan

No, I’m not talking about our famous protein deficiencies. I want to raise awareness of two much more serious conditions: RVCS and SFCS. If you’re considering going plant based, I think it’s really important for you to understand the risks and go into this informed.

Back when I first went vegan, it was hard. Living in Lancaster didn’t make it easy. It’s a tiny city (there’s debate as to whether it even qualifies as a city!) and no one I knew there was plant based. I didn’t have much choice than to cook everything from I lived on falafel, hummus, stir fries and porridge. SO. MUCH. PORRIDGE. I hung out with Linda McCartney most evenings.

My go-to treat was dark chocolate. Ice cream and cake were a thing of the past. Thank you Netflix documentary. Honestly, it was hard. I cooked everything from scratch because there was nothing in the shops. I carried snacks with me everywhere I went, for fear of going hungry.

Rare Vegan Cake Syndrome

My life in Lancaster changed when I sniffed out the only vegan cake in the city. That’s right. There was only one vegan cake between the 5 or so coffee shops I spent my lazy student days in. ONE. And I had it for breakfast every Sunday morning. Yes, I ate Chocolate Fudge cake for brekkie. And it was delightful.

Naturally, whenever I went anywhere new, my eyes would widen and I’d have to try my hardest not to jump up and down with excitement if I spotted a vegan cake. You bet your ass I got a slice every single time. I don’t know when the next time I’ll be able to have cake might be!

And then, something wonderful and awful happened. Vegan cakes started popping up everywhere. I’m still haunted by those dark days without a delicious spongy, gooey treat. Ergo, I still want to order cake every time I see one. You can probably spot the problem here. RARE VEGAN CAKE SYNDROME.

Symptoms include: losing your mind when you see vegan foods that aren’t usually vegan. Eating a lot of said foods. Saving the planet while doing so.

Recommended treatment: eat enough cake and it will eventually subside on its own.

Vegan Spoiled For Choice Syndrome

If you recognise yourself in the following behaviours, you or someone you know may be suffering with VSFCS. Story from someone with a classic case:

I’m crap at decisions, I’m an over thinker. And if you give me a menu, expect my brows to furrow, my face to crumple and an implied question mark at the end of my order. Do I really want the burger? Next thing you know, I’m running after the server to ask for the falafel instead.

And then I’ll still have food envy when yours arrives. I’ve probably lost days of my life agonising over what to eat. My dad only half-jokingly says I’m the only person in the world that could get stuck in a supermarket and die of starvation because I couldn’t decide what to eat.

Eliza Hall, SFCS Surviver as of 2019

Eliza Hall, SFCS Surviver as of 2019

So when I went vegan, it was a HUGE relief. You know why? Because there was only ever one option. There was no choice. Sometimes there was no option and then I’d have fries. All the vegans out there, I know you feel me.

BUT NOW, there are so many options. We’re on the verge of a VSFCS epidemic. Stay safe out there folks!

If you are struggling with RVCS or VSFCS, I’d love to hear from you. We can get together and order one of every cake. There, problems both solved.

Love, Eliza


2 thoughts on “The Dangers of Going Vegan”

  • This is incredible! I’m glad I read because I thought I was the only one living with such problems. Now I know there are more people out there, like me. It’s so good not to feel alone and isolated. Thank you Eliza, for helping me feel like someone else understands! Loved this piece.

  • I solve the SFCS issue the same way I solve the cale issue – by earing way too much and eating out more than my budget allows. My favourite vegan cafe near me does a long menu of exclusively vegan, and delicious, meals as well as a huge selection of cakes. I usually buy two meals and the cakes to take away – I make my partner order something different as well so I can taste that too.

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